Posted in Grief, happiness, home, hurt, love, mother, Uncategorized

The Year is Almost Over

Its been a different kind of year. The good, the bad and the ugly. My dad went through many firsts. First Valentines Day, mums birthday, anniversary, his birthday, all without my mum. And today I know he’s in pain. This time last year he had to have my mum admitted to Hospice and its when he realised she was never coming home.

The woman he’d loved, adored, cherished for 55 years was never going to be his Ellen again. The woman admitted to Hospice was but a shell of her. When I saw my mum the day before she died, when I looked into her eyes, eyes that had always looked back at me full of love, were empty. My mum had already left, her body hadn’t caught up.

So, today is a bad day for my dad. He’s in so much pain and heartbreak, that I weep for what he’s feeling. Knowing I can do nothing to help him.

And because I know the firsts are hard for him, I went to stay with him at the time of their anniversary. And for Christmas I bought him a plane ticket to come and spend Christmas with us. That way he won’t be alone on the 21st, which is the first anniversary of her death.

On the good side, my oldest son got married. Not only did I gain a daughter-in-law, but also 2 step-grandsons and a step-grandaughter. And they’re all spending Christmas day with us. Nice for my dad as he hasn’t met his grandsons family.

Also, my youngest boy flew home from the UK for 3 weeks. Which was AWESOME. We did the drive to Cape Town, well, Gordons Bay (think of the Talking Heads song “Road to Nowhere}, the Karoo section takes forever. And we stayed with my dad. Which he loved. Although I think my dad may now be banned from some shops and malls. When members of my family get together we turn into 3 year olds who’ve escaped from an insane asylum.

My 2nd son and his Italian girlfriend decided to live together. Which if you knew this son, you’d realise that this is a massive step.

And last, but not least, my 3rd son has his daughter this Christmas. I wanted to fly them here for Christmas too, but unfortunately someone has to remain on the farm over December, and its his year.

And the ugly. Thats one of those dark secrets that you hope like hell doesn’t slip out. 4 of us know it, and if the rest of my family found out about it, a lot of damage would be done, and I’d be caught in the middle.

And so, this year is almost done. Another year nearly over. Where does the time go?

To all of you out there, have a wonderful December. Remember to tell those you love that you love them, for life is too short not to.

abc

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2 thoughts on “The Year is Almost Over

  1. This is thr worst thing to happen.. I lost my mother 2 months back.. And 2 days ago it was her birthday and it was so difficult.. I ended up writing a blog with all my thoughts and this is what I am doing for past few weeks. I just vent out everything I am thinking on my blog. I see no end to this grieving.

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    1. Sorry to hear about your mum, and in this case I know exactly how you feel. Theres not a day passes that I don’t think about her. You can never be prepared for longing to see them one more time. Keep strong x

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