Posted in cancer, Grief, happiness, home, hurt, illness, love, mother, peace, Uncategorized

PEACE

peace

Its July 2018. I’m once again in Gordons Bay, I came for down for my dads birthday.

My dad doesn’t smoke.  I’ve never smoked in his flat, I go outside.

When my mum was alive we would go outside together, dad and I helping her, sometimes she’d smoke with me, but during the last months of her life not so much.

So, today I was outside having a smoke, and I remembered the talks we had during those last months.  We spoke a lot about the fact she was dying, and would probably be dead before the end of the year.  We laughed and joked about it.  (we’re a bit of an odd family)  And we would be serious.  We both knew she was right, and during the chats our bond grew stronger than ever.  And I love her, her death didn’t change that.  And I miss her.  God, how I miss her.

I also had chats with my dad when my mum would be full of morphine for the pain.  And we’d chat about the fact she was dying.  He would talk to me about how it made him feel to be losing the only woman he ever loved (My folks were together from 1962 till December 2016) About how he would cope.  But cope he has.  He still misses her dearly, but he gets that his life isn’t over, that now he’s still learning a different way of life.  Thankfully, my dad is very active.  He’s very involved in scouting, goes on tons of camps,  He has his stamps and he loves the internet.

When I look at him out of the corner of my eyes, I can see the sadness that others don’t see, the loneliness of evenings without her.  And we talk about her.  He tells me about their courtship and things that happened when I was too young to remember.  And I’m glad that sharing with me brings him some peace, for a little while.

We need to cherish our parents, our partners, our children and all the other people we love.  Once they’re gone, thats it, it’s too tell them we love them, our time for that is gone.

I wish peace to those who are going through the pain of watching someone they love die. And I send love and peace to those who know they are dying.  You will forever live on in your loved ones memories.

xx

 

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